The Horror

William's bugging me to share another thought on my blog. I was reluctant at first because he just did one, but then he promised he'd burn me whatever I'm missing from my Smiths CD collection. I am not made of stone.

Will Bray, of William and the Tradesmen. Hit it.

The Horror.

... has become my nickname of late. I'm a skinny perfumed ponce with a huge ego, a big dick, and a shyness that is criminally vulgar. Now that I've nicked about eighteen different lines from other things, let me concoct something out of my own imagination to summarize the animal that I persist in being - an animal that should have been either a) drowned at birth or b) taken to some kind of hippie love thyself love thy neighbor camp when he was still impressionable enough to undo several decades of neurosis.

I am a complete basket case, unable to see past my various hang-ups, limitations, insecurities and delusions. I had a good time in 1986 at a friend's birthday party. I had a nice lunch yesterday. These represent the two times, that I can think of, in which I've let myself enjoy myself. And yet I still tend to be relentlessly critical of others and their hang-ups, limitations, insecurities and delusions. This is because of my large penis and enormous ego, which lets me think I'm more talented at certain things than others are. Talents such as self-assessment and avoiding becoming an accountant or a doctor.

One of my talents used to be building Lego castles. This talent reached its peak in the 1980's. Do they still make Lego castles, the knights and stuff? If so, I'd like a chance to prove myself again. One of the castles I made had a working portcullis. I used to be really good at following instructions.

Um... okay, Will. Those better be some prime Smiths CD's. I think that's the last time you're allowed on this blog. Control, dude. Self-control! Like, you know? Those Lego castle sets came with instructions as I recall.

Alright, onward. Eli James, A Simple Man of Simple Tastes shall not allow such awful self-indulgence in the future. I mean, really, what does he think this is, the internet?

I can hear, I can hear that thunder. And it's angry!

MEN AT WORK lose plagiarism suit in Australia

I have to say I am genuinely annoyed with this ruling. The Australian band Men at Work, whose last hit single was 1982's "Down Under," were just found guilty of plagiarism in the Australian High Court. The song in question? "Down Under," the million-dollar international chartbuster that was on the radio from morning til night in that same year that saw the Falklands War and the birth of Prince William.

In brief, Larrikin Music, an Aussie publishing company that owns the rights to a children's song called "Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree," decided two years ago to sue Men at Work for plagiarizing a segment of this song. They accused the band of using the melody, without permission, for the four-bar flute solo in their 80's single.

Sorry, I know it doesn't sound it, but this is big news.

A few weeks ago, and twenty-eight years after the release of "Down Under," a Sydney judge came down on the side of Larrikin Music, and very hard against Men at Work - stating that the band will have to pay out up to 60% of royalties earned on the 1981-recorded hit. Justice Jacobson decided that the flute solo in "Down Under" was intentionally pilfered from "Kookaburra," an Aussie Girl Scouts song penned in 1934 by a woman named Marion Sinclair. Over the decades Sinclair's song became the most popular of Australian nursery rhymes. Ms. Sinclair herself passed on about ten years ago, and never made mention of anybody's flute solo. The judge in this case backed Larrikin's assertion that Men at Work (who - may I say again?- have not had a hit in twenty-eight years) stole the tune without permission for their four-bar instrumental, and that they did so in an effort to capitalize on its innate Australian-ness.

Colin Hay, the band's singer and the song's coauthor, put forward the defense that there may have been some similarities between "Down Under"'s flute bit and "Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree," but that it was an entirely subconscious homage to the children's tune. It's hardly a note-for-note copy either. It's similar, perhaps even a kind of variation on "Kookaburra," but it's hardly a straight-ahead theft. The band's flute player came up with the instrumental line after several improvisations. Not to mention, it's literally four bars. Marion Sinclair knew about it and never said a word.

Men at Work's defense was shot down, and was delivered a fatal blow by the fact that, in the video for "Down Under," the flute player is seen sitting in a tree. A gum tree? I have no idea. But it's a tree, he's sitting in it, and apparently that's good hard evidence in an Australian copyright case.

Poor Men at Work. Or should I say, poor men not at work. Lord knows what these Aussies are doing now. I admit that it is mainly nostalgia that has me so upset about this case, and which makes me talk about it with everyone I see. It was the 80's man! My most formative years. "Down Under" introduced me and so many American kids of my generation to the very idea of Australia - WAY before Crocodile Dundee made it cool. (By the way, it's ironic that I never knew the lyrics to "Down Under" until now. I might not be so especially nostalgic for the song if I'd known back then that it was about dudes puking and vegetable spread. At age five, I really thought it was an epic tale of manhood and adventure. My mistake. But throw-up jokes and other terrible lyrics aside, this is still an important song that merits our support!)

And it's not like the band went on to be the next INXS or... um... whatever Aussie bands went on to have long-term international success. Can't actually think of any but... But please let these guys keep the money from their one worldwide hit twenty-eight years ago! Why didn't you Larrikin guys sue back then before they'd spent any of their money, huh? As Colin Hay said in his reaction statement, "what has won today is opportunistic greed. ... This ruling will have lasting repercussions, and I suspect not for the better."

Fight on Men at Work. Appeal!